


There are some things you can only learn in a Storm

by Ankow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, How Do I Tag, I tried to angst, Iwaizumi tries to help, M/M, oikawa is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 16:42:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5593464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankow/pseuds/Ankow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iwaizumi Hajime hated it. He hated how Oikawa sometimes stared off into the distance.<br/>It never was long, only for a second or 2, but Iwaizumi saw.<br/>He saw how Oikawa's eyes were almost hollow, nothing but a stroke of melancholic sadness to fill the empty wasteland.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There are some things you can only learn in a Storm

**Author's Note:**

> wooh, my first fanfic here yay  
> I really hope it doesn`t contain to many mistakes and all and hopefully you enjoy this

Iwaizumi Hajime hated it. He hated how Oikawa sometimes stared off into the distance.  
It never was long, only for a second or 2, but Iwaizumi saw.  
He saw how Oikawa's eyes were almost hollow, nothing but a stroke of melancholic sadness to fill the empty wasteland.  
Oikawa would slip out of it quickly. Back to the Oikawa he showed to his teammates and almost everyone else all the time.  
Even to Iwaizumi.  
Though there had been times Oikawa had let him see the real Oikawa. They had been childhood friends and they had told each other all their joys and fears.  
Well, Oikawa mostly, Hajime listened most of the time.  
He didn't care about that much, no he enjoyed listening to Oikawa's theories about why aliens were real and why strawberry flavoured pocky was better than the chocolate one.  
However, as they grew older, he noticed how Oikawa changed. He still told him about almost every part of his life, but Iwaizumi felt like something about them had changed. It became more and more rare for him to see the real Oikawa.

It was Oikawa's turn to serve. It was a practice match against some team they hadn't played before and they were quite strong.  
Still, their team was definitely winning. Just a point or two and they would reach their match point.  
Iwaizumi cast a short glance over his shoulder at Oikawa. Their captain had been playing almost flawlessly until now and Iwaizumi dared to bet he was as hungry for victory as the rest of them were.

If it had been a real bet, he would have lost.  
Oikawa wasn't smiling that slightly cocky smile he showed when he was about to annihilate the other team, he wasn't concentrating or focussing on the upcoming serve.  
It was there again, that far-off look like he didn't know why he was here.  
Iwaizumi clenched is fists. Why was Oikawa like this? It frustrated him endlessly, knowing something was eating his best friend alive and not knowing where he had to look to slay the demons.  
Apparently, Oikawa had felt him stare. The brunette blinked, the hollowness gone, and then quirked an eyebrow at him with smug smile.  
Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes and turned away, back to facing the team on the other side of the net.  
None of their teammates had noticed anything of the set of glances between ace and captain.  
Oikawa served and scored a few points.  
Iwaizumi decided he was going to have a talk with Oikawa after.  
They won and cheered loudly, Oikawa acting just as happy.  
When Iwaizumi tried to find him after he had changed clothes, Matsukawa told him Oikawa had already left.  
Once again he had succeeded in shaking Iwaizumi off.

He walked home that day without Oikawa.

The next morning they both behaved like nothing had happened the day before.  
Oikawa hummed some song that had probably been stuck in his head and Iwaizumi tried to block out the sounds before he got the same song stuck in his head.  
Oikawa`s music didn`t exactly fit his tastes and he preferred to spend the day without some annoying pop song in his head.  
“Did you sleep enough?” Iwaizumi asked after Oikawa had yawned again. He cast a worried look on the other`s face, noticing the notable bags under his eyes.  
“Hm?” the brunette didn`t look at him, he kept staring at the rising sun, the soft orange light shining on his cheeks.  
Iwaizumi resisted the urge to smack that pretty head of his. It could be a real pain in the ass to talk to Oikawa sometimes.  
Then, Oikawa finally looked away from the sun, only to say: “Are you my mom, Iwa-chan?” with a fake as hell smile.  
“Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi muttered under his breath as he finally hit Oikawa.

Practice was... interesting.  
There had been a bright and cheerful mood, they had won the day before and would totally win the upcoming matches if they kept playing like this.  
Except, Oikawa's laughing seemed off, forced.  
The uneasy feeling crept back up again and Iwaizumi scoffed himself for not daring to bring it up.  
His hand made contact with the volleyball and it smacked down on the surface with a satisfying sound.  
From experience he knew that it could be hard to figure out what exactly was bothering Oikawa if he didn`t want him to know.  
“Hey, Iwaizumi!” a voice called, it was Matsukawa. “You alright?”  
“Yeah, everything`s fine.” he quickly answered.  
Hanamaki, noticing the short conversation between the two, joined in. “Was he spacing off again? you do that quite often recently.” -the beginning of a smile on his face made Iwaizumi fear for the worst- “Sooooo, who`s the lucky girl you`ve been all dreamy about?”  
Matsukawa snorted. “Ooooeh, I bet you`re right!” accompanied with a shit-eating grin, he high-fived Hanamaki.  
Ugh, not this again... although Iwaizumi could understand why, it didn`t make it any less irritating.  
“The question remaining, who is she?” Matsukawa cocked his head and rubbed his chin. “Hmmm, she has to be super cute I bet, that is the only way to get our ace so distracted!”  
Hanamaki made an agreeing sound. “Uhu, the only way. Well, maybe...” he wiggled with his eyebrows and Matsukawa grinned widely.  
“What`s all this about?” of all persons, Oikawa joined in. Iwaizumi really wanted practise to end. Talking about his non-existing love life that only existed in the theories based on made up evidence by the two third years was already dramatic enough without drama queen Oikawa joining in.  
“Iwaizumi here has crush!” said Hanamaki solemnly, putting his hand on Oikawa`s shoulder. Matsukawa nodded.  
Iwaizumi groaned. What had he done to deserve such teammates. He probably hadn`t helped an old lady with her groceries because this was terrible.”We think she has to be hella cute, don`t you agree too?”  
“Tch.” Oikawa wrinkled his nose. “I`m disappointed, Iwa-chan, not even telling your best friend.”  
“Maybe because there isn`t anyone?” Iwaizumi said bitterly. There actually was someone but...  
“Suuureee!” both Hanamaki and Matsukawa cheered in unison and Oikawa “tch-ed” again before walking away to everyone`s surprise.  
The three of them shared a slightly confused look. Even Iwaizumi hadn`t see this one coming. He had honesty though Oikawa would make a big fuss and wouldn`t let him rest before he had figured out who -according to Hanamaki and Matsukawa- his crush was.  
"You really hurt his feels by not telling him." Hanamaki threw him an apologetic look, although the corners of his mouth twitched.  
"Fucking savage" Matsukawa whispered, trying to keep himself from laughing out loud.  
Iwaizumi gulped and watched Oikawa's back. Something didn't feel right about it all...  
Matsukawa patted his shoulder. "Let's get back to practice, keep daydreaming about that girl of yours for your spare time."

He walked home with Oikawa. He hadn't been expecting it, he had gotten the feeling Oikawa purposely didn't toss to him during the 3 vs. 3 match they had held so he wouldn`t have been surprised if Oikawa had ran off again before Iwaizumi would have finished changing.  
They walked back in a sort of uncomfortable silence. Well, Iwaizumi thought so at least. It felt like that kind of silence where both wanted to say words, but neither dared to actually say them.  
Iwaizumi wanted to say them, the words that had been burning inside for a while now. But he couldn`t, he just couldn`t.  
They were both quiet, Oikawa not even humming along with a song.  
Come on, coward, just say something! But no words came and his street came closer.  
He wanted them to get back to how things were before, before Oikawa decided to shut them all out.  
How could they go back? How, Iwaizumi felt like he didn`t even know his best friend anymore.  
They reached their parting point.  
“Goodnight.” He said softly to Oikawa who seemed to hesitate for a moment.  
“Goodnight, Iwa-chan.”  
Oikawa wanted to walk already, but Iwaizumi seized for his wrist, jerking him to a standstill.  
His wrist was thin, Oikawa`s wrists had always been thin, much like the rest of his delicate lean body, but this was different and it had happened before. A nausea feeling struck Iwaizumi. Could it be?  
Oikawa was frowning at him, illuminated by the unnatural light of streetlights. “Iwa-chan?”  
“I`ll see you tomorrow, right?” it felt weird to say the words, it felt even weirder he had felt the need to say them.  
His frown deepened and Iwaizumi hastily let go of his wrist. “Of course, Iwa-chan? What`s up with these weird questions? You really aren`t my mom, you know.”  
Iwaizumi shrugged and ignored most of Oikawa`s rubbish. “Shut up, dumbass.”  
“Rude, Iwa-chan, rude!” he shouted as he turned around an jogged away.  
Iwaizumi sighed. “Please take care of yourself for once, Trashikawa.”  
He really hoped his guts were wrong this time and Oikawa was doing fine. Not like last time when he had pushed himself way too much and his knee had almost given in. He had been too late to notice Oikawa`s self destruction and it had almost been too late for Oikawa. Oikawa had really driven himself to the edge and Iwaizumi had to prevent that from happening again.  
Iwaizumi opened the front door and walked in quietly. Practice often tended to take longer than planned and today had been one of those days. His parents were probably already sleeping so he silently moved around in the kitchen to warm up some leftovers.  
After a quick meal, he went upstairs to take a shower.  
The warm water relaxed his muscles, tense from his conversation with Oikawa earlier.  
It felt like a thin but sharp thread was wrapped tightly through his whole world. It cut through everything and the high strung wire caused the buildings to be instable. It felt like his whole world was shaking and on the edge. Not collapsing, like he had seen by some others. more and more pressure would build onto the thin thread until it would finally shatter.  
And with the shattered wire, the buildings would lose both the object that cut deep into them as the reason which kept them together.  
Iwaizumi wondered if Oikawa was the wire. His childhood friend had always been a big part of his life, whether he was a shitty one at times or not, Iwaizumi just couldn`t leave him alone.  
And not only because he knew Oikawa failed miserably in taking care of himself and didn't respect the boundaries of his own body. Somewhere along the road, Iwaizumi had realized his feelings for Oikawa ran a little deeper than those of friendship. It hadn't been a big revelation, it had just struck him out of the blue.  
Of course he hadn't told Oikawa, nor was he planning on doing so. All the awkwardness and lack of courage to actually confess aside, Iwaizumi was almost hundred percent sure Oikawa didn't like him that way.  
Oikawa Tooru liked girls and not Iwaizumi Hajime.  
So Iwaizumi pretended not to care too much whenever a bunch of girls swarmed around Oikawa and hoped the idiot wouldn't do anything stupid.

Said idiot was absolutely behaving stupid.  
Iwaizumi kept a close eye on Oikawa the following days with hopes of silencing his concerns about Oikawa. Instead, he noticed the familiar signs. It had been a while since he had seen them, the clear but subtle hints of Oikawa self-destructing, and now they were back.  
He wishes he would have been wrong, he wished he had seen Oikawa eating lunch while reality showed him how Oikawa had barely touched it, he wished he would have seen the feint lines of Oikawa's ribs instead of sharp, defined edges of bone under pale skin, he wished he hadn't seen those bags under Oikawa's eyes grew progressing deeper shades of blue/purple.  
Most of all, he wished he hadn't seen that far off look so much.  
He hated it.

Where am I?

Why am I here?

Why am I here with them?

It hurt.  
It had to stop.

The incoming storm was coming closer at fast pace and Iwaizumi braced himself for the cloudburst that was about to come.

Iwaizumi suspected what Oikawa was hiding, or at least one of the things Oikawa tried to keep hidden.  
The fear of the uncertainty lingered in his body made him restless and irritated.  
Dark, thick clouds hovered over them during practice. Even their teammates noticed something was up. Instead of his cheerfulness during practice, Oikawa showed a perfectly calm statue. His normal remarks, a little mean pretending to be innocent collection that drove everyone crazy, were replaced with sarcastic and straight up mean comments. Although he still flashed that smile of his, even their teammates doubted if it was real.  
Not that they dared to say anything about it. Everyone had their bad days once in a while and if it was really bad, Iwaizumi would have said something about it already.  
Nothing to worry about, they kept on going, trying not to get into their captain`s way.  
Oikawa hurried to get done changing and Iwaizumi followed his pace. Something inside told him Oikawa would run away if he didn`t hurry up and whether it would be true of not, Iwaizumi didn`t want to find out.  
Twilight had fallen by time they walked back, different shades of purple and orange combining into a smooth gradient.  
They chattered about nothing in general, just safe and impersonal topics while pretending not to feel the underlying tension between them.  
Iwaizumi`s street was coming up, time to say bye. The clouds were about to break.  
You can still run away. You can still seek shelter.  
No, he can`t leave Oikawa alone. He simply cannot. They`ll thrive this storm.  
He watched Oikawa`s back. If his suspicions are correct, he would see his friend again in a few minutes.

Indeed he did.  
The sun had truly set by time he arrived at their school`s gym. Even from a distance the yellowish white light that shone through the windows was clearly visible against the darkened sky.  
Iwaizumi gulped. A small part of him had hold on to the small change he had only been imagining it all, that Oikawa was alright and only a little down.  
But now he saw the lights...  
Bracing himself for whatever he would find when he walked in, Iwaizumi breathed in deeply.  
The door was open, the sound of a volleyball being slammed against the floor and the occasional squeaking sounds of sport shoes breaking through the constant song of the cicadas.  
Some kind of unknown numbness spread through his body as he saw Oikawa. Utter disappointed made him want to curl up and shut the world out for a while.  
Why had he let in come this far already again? he had noticed the signals, he had basically seen Oikawa crumble apart once again and what had he done.  
Nothing, exactly nothing.  
Iwaizumi was so disappointed in himself.  
For most other players some extra practice in a while was a nice thing to have. For Oikawa Tooru whatsoever... With his knee already ruined once because of it and his liking to self destruct, it was something both Iwaizumi and doctors had totally advised against.  
The last time, Iwaizumi had taken away his key to the gym to protect the setter from himself. He had gotten it back though, and Iwaizumi hoped he had learned his lesson.  
It was more than clear Oikawa hadn`t.  
He observed Oikawa`s movements, the latter still hadn`t noticed him standing in the doorway, spotting the slight limb in his step as he moved to jump.  
Iwaizumi prayed it was temporary, that Oikawa hadn`t screwed up his knee for good now.  
The ball made contact with the ground at the same moment Oikawa collapsed.  
Iwaizumi waited with his heart beating in the back of his throat.  
He had seen Oikawa fall before, and this wasn't like that. He had just simply but still with a hint of grace, went down and rolled on his back.  
His chest was rising and falling at a fast pace, though he kept his breath down.

The first drops began to fall, wind picking up, it wouldn't be taking long anymore.

Iwaizumi carefully moved closer, trying to keep his building anger in check. It was his fault for not noticing. It was Oikawa's fault for hurting him again.  
He was being selfish and he sure as hell knew he was, but he didn't care at the moment.  
His shoe made a noise, Oikawa's head moved quickly to his side as he tried to locate the source.  
For a second he stared blankly at Iwaizumi

Do I belong here?

Where do I belong?

Confusion followed by surprise followed by anxiety in a rapid tempo. Iwaizumi saw it in those pretty brown eyes, switching between different emotions in mere seconds.  
He stood as paralyzed as Oikawa stared at him with a now almost blank look again.  
Nothing but hollowness and underlying anxiety.  
Iwaizumi wanted to pull him close, tell him everything was going to be alright, that he was loved but he still stood standstill, his body refusing to move.  
Oikawa averted his gaze, curling to his side with his back facing Iwaizumi.  
“Go away Iwa-chan.” he said, almost as soft as a whisper.  
Finally, Iwaizumi`s body realised it was supposed to move and he scrunched down next to Oikawa.  
He said nothing, he just waited for storm to wash them away.  
Oikawa didn`t respond, his expression hidden from Iwaizumi`s view. Why had that idiot let it come to this again, Iwaizumi wondered, knowing the answer could totally surprise him.  
Oikawa Tooru had always surprised him, ever since they were kids.  
“How`s your knee?” he asked after what felt like an eternity but probably had only been a few minutes.  
A shiver ran through Oikawa`s body. “I don`t know...” he mumbled. “It`s been worse.” he sat up, eyes still facing the floor.  
Glad he finally got his friend to say something reasonable, Iwaizumi moved in front of him and removed the white knee supporter from his pale leg. Luckily, Oikawa didn`t struggle. On the other hand, he wasn`t much of a help and didn`t really give any reaction, except from a small whimper when Iwaizumi touched his knee lightly.  
At first his knee didn`t seem to bad as he carefully examined Oikawa`s knee with feather light touches not to hurt him.  
As far as he could figure out know it wasn`t something a few days rest and an icepack couldn`t solve and he breathed out in relief.  
“Your hands are cold.”  
“No, they`re not.”  
“Yes, they are, Iwa-chan.”  
Iwaizumi knew Oikawa was trying to distract him. silly conversation topics in the hope of escaping the storm. It wouldn`t work, not this time.  
“You think you can stand?” Oikawa nodded and Iwaizumi offered him a hand to get him back on his feet.  
Oikawa shifted his weight from one leg to another. “I think I can walk. It doesn`t hurt too bad now.”  
“Let`s go home then, shan`t we?”  
Iwaizumi quickly closed off the gym while Oikawa waited. He saw him staring upwards at the night sky. A crescent was visible, it shone brightly with no clouds to block it. Oikawa stared at it like he was demanding answers form it, begging for answers to his questions while the moon wouldn`t budge to give them to him.  
It was an almost heartbreaking sight.  
Iwaizumi lightly touched his back. “You do realize we have to talk right?”  
A small nod from Oikawa and he averted his gaze from the moon and still refusing to actually look at Iwaizumi.

“Didn`t think so, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi laughed coldly. “I told you, we`re gonna have a talk.”  
Oikawa`s shoulders stiffened under the thin fabric of his shirt. “There`s nothing to talk about, Iwa-chan. Really.”  
They were at Iwaizumi`s street and Oikawa was obviously trying to shove Iwaizumi off.  
“Yeah, sure.” Iwaizumi crossed his arms. “No matter what you`re going to try, we`re gonna talk.”  
Oikawa narrowed his eyes and didn`t say anything anymore till they reached his house.  
Iwaizumi immediately noticed the missing car on the drive and Oikawa followed his stare only to quickly say something about a business trip they were on.  
They often left Oikawa alone for a few weeks. There used to be some kind of baby-sitter but after Oikawa had thrown a tantrum about how he was old enough to take care of himself, she had stopped coming.  
Iwaizumi suspected it hadn`t been that hard to persuade his parents in letting him stay home alone. They wanted as less trouble with Oikawa as possible so they easily let him do what he wanted, though they had made quite a few rules.  
Oikawa didn`t break them, well not the ones that left a trace at least. Staying up late watching volleyball matches and inviting Iwaizumi for sleepovers during school days were some of the rules that had been broken in the first week already.  
Oikawa opened the door and switched the lights on as Iwaizumi quickly moved inside before Oikawa could throw the door in his face. Familiar hall, familiar smell, unfamiliar silence.  
It was the silence which made Iwaizumi most uncomfortable. Where was the Oikawa with his endless flow of shitty stories?  
None of them knew exactly what to do, they just stood there in an awkward silence.  
“There really is nothing to talk about, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said, voice cool.  
Iwaizumi heard the plea in his voice and it made him even more determined to help his best friend.  
They stared at each other, a silent battle. Iwaizumi won. Oikawa sighed and made his way upstairs to his room, not bothering to switch on the lights.  
Iwaizumi followed him.

Oikawa`s room only had little changes over time. The pale blue walls were still full of posters of shitty movies and drawings made when they were little. The ceiling was still the same colour as Iwaizumi remembered from his childhood and the same glow-in-the-dark stars still had their pale greenish light.  
Nothing had changed and at the same time everything had.  
He sat down on the chair behind Oikawa`s desk. Oikawa himself squatted down on the little rough flooring with his legs pulled up to his chest, leaning against his bed. “Well, where do you wanna talk about, Iwa-chan? That mysterious girlfriend of yours?” he almost sneered.  
Iwaizumi blinked. Where had that come from?!  
Oikawa tilted his head, still with a rather mean look on his face.  
“There is no girl.” Iwaizumi sputtered, cheeks reddening. He knew it was stupid going along with Oikawa`s games, but he had been caught completely off guard.  
“Really, Iwa-chan, really? I mean, I do have to agree with Matsukawa and Hanamaki. You do seem to space off quite a lot. Are you sure there are no problems with this crush of yours?” he smiled lightly.  
Iwaizumi clenched his jaw. What the hell was Oikawa trying to accomplish here.  
“There is no girl, no matter what Matsukawa and Hanamaki tried to make you believe. And even if there was, I still wouldn`t go to you for relationship advice. You`re doing pretty terrible yourself though.”  
A flash of hurt crossed Oikawa`s eyes, though Iwaizumi wasn`t that sure. It all happened really fast.  
“Yeah, yeah. and grass is blue.”  
“Trashykawa..”  
“Why are you here, Iwa-chan. Please just go to that girl of yours. I bet she`ll be pleased. You will be such a good boyfriend, acting all worried and all.”  
Iwaizumi breathed in deeply. It was all escalating way too quickly. Iwaizumi wanted to figure out what was bothering Oikawa, not having some sort of almost childish fight about some non existing girl.  
He honesty had no idea anymore of what Oikawa wanted by trying to provoke him.  
"She'll be soooo lucky to have you."

That's it.

Iwaizumi snapped. The clouds burst and thunder roared.  
"Oikawa, what the hell dude?!" He yelled, jumping up from the chair he had been sitting on. "Just what the fuck are you rambling about?!"  
“Go away, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa, too, was yelling by now. “Just leave!” Iwaizumi saw him the slight trembles running through his body.  
A tight feeling nestled in his chest. “I`m worried about you! I thought we had a promise! You fucking promised me not to do stupid shit like this again, and here we are.” he exhaled harshly. “So no, I`m not leaving until I get a fucking answer for why you`re behaving like this.”  
Oikawa clutched his legs closer to his chest, knuckles white and fingernails digging into his skin. A high pitched sound escaped his lips and Iwaizumi crouched down in front of him with a worried expression.  
I shouldn`t have yelled at him... he thought. “Hey, Oikawa, hey!” the setter looked straight past him, breathing shallow and way too fast. He was shaking and Iwaizumi heard his teeth clatter.  
“Oikawa!” this wasn`t good, this was far from good. It looked like Oikawa was having some kind of panic attack and Iwaizumi had no idea what exactly to do. “Hey, look at me, it`s gonna be alright. Just breath in slowly.” Panic fluttered through his body but he had to stay calm if he wanted to get Oikawa back. “It`s gonna be alright, I`m not mad at you, just a bit pissed you didn`t tell me but nothing we can`t fix right?”  
Finally Oikawa`s breathing calmed down a little, it seemed his actions had some effect.

“Iwa-chan.” he was barely intelligible, teeth still clattering, looking up with tears in his eyes. Iwaizumi`s heart broke by the pity sight of the boy in front of him. He gulped and pulled Oikawa, to his own surprise, closer.  
Oikawa`s breath was warm in his neck as he nudged in his fluffy, brown hair. His whole body was trembling against Iwaizumi`s and soft sobs started to escape from him.

It was storming now and they only had each other to hang on to as the wind and rain tried to sweep them away.  
Clutching to the hem of his shirt, Oikawa curled up against him. he was nothing but a crying mess by now, sobs racking through his body and Iwaizumi rubbing soothing circles on his lower back, not knowing how precisely to comfort his best friend.  
“Shhh, it`s going to be okay, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around Oikawa, trying to stop the rough trembles. He kept murmuring calming words and waited for Oikawa to come back and hoping everything really would go back to being okay.

Slowly, the shaking stopped and Oikawa got silent, nothing but an occasional hiccup.  
He stirred in Iwaizumi`s arms who carefully gave him some space to move.  
“I`m sorry you had to see this, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa looked up with reddened eyes and Iwaizumi was once again remembered to the fact Oikawa actually was an ugly crier. Not that he really thought it was true. For him Oikawa was beautiful no matter how he looked.  
"It's alright." He said softly, relaxing a bit.  
Oikawa sighed as he looked up to the glow in the dark stars.  
Iwaizumi followed his gaze, remembering how they had put them on the ceiling and top of the walls together.

Oikawa had originally been planning on making real constellations with them but he and Iwaizumi had found out that they were kind off too complicated to copy for 7 years olds so they had came up with their own. Their colours had bleached a bit over the years but they were still visible in the dark, illuminating patterns.

"I feel so small..." his voice sounded as his words. Small. “The universe is so big, we`re not even the tiniest dot in it. What does it matter what we do, what does it matter what I do? It doesn`t, whatever I do won`t have any effect.”  
Whatever Iwaizumi had suspected about what was bothering Oikawa, this hadn`t once crossed his mind.  
“I can fuck up my knee if I want to, my actions don`t matter. The universe is just so big and the earth so small, and we are even smaller. I can`t get my mind around it, why are we here, why are we stuck here?”  
An almost manic tone had slipped into his voice. “It all won`t matter. Even if I get to the top, it still means nothing in this whole big all filled with small nothings. The distance to the moon and earth alone is so large and at the same time totally nothing compared to other planets and stars in this corner. Imagine the distance to all other corners. We are nothing but the smallest of crumbs and all we do is good for nothing. Our time here isn`t even a mere second, Hajime.”

It wasn`t often that Oikawa would use his real name. Iwaizumi felt the stress on the wire increase. Would it snap? Would it hold his world together?

“It`s just too much, too much of nothing and too much of everything and I can`t get my mind around it.” He turned his head away from the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars with huge, brown eyes filled with questions no one could answer.  
Iwaizumi was speechless, he too didn`t hold the answer Oikawa craved.  
“Is that why you`re sad?” he asked instead.

Oikawa breathed out shakily. “I don`t know, maybe, I`m confused and scared and I just don`t know it. There`s so much happening at the same time and I feel like I'm on the edge of waking up, more like breaking through reality and... and it's like everyone's moving and I want to keep up but it feels like I can't and everyone will leave me alone and abandon me, Iwa-chan, I don't want to be alone!"

He was crying again. Iwaizumi pulled him closer once more and stroked through his fluffy hair.  
"I'm sorry Iwa-chan, Iwaizumi, I'm sorry for fucking up again! I just hoped training harder would make it go away." Oikawa hiccupped, tears staining Iwaizumi's shirt and fingers holding on to it like Iwaizumi was the only thing that prevented him from falling.

"Hey," he murmured, pushing Oikawa back lightly and cupping his cheeks. "I'm not gonna leave you Tooru, okay? I might not have the answers to your questions, but I'll make sure you won't drift off into space and keep your feet steady on the ground."  
A small smile broke through the sobs. One of Oikawa's real smiles, Iwaizumi thought and he couldn't help himself but smile too. 

The storm lay down, they had both survived. Repairing the damage done was the only thing left to do.

Iwaizumi rested his chin atop Oikawa's head who`d nudged himself in the crook of his neck. Though Oikawa was taller, he had still managed to perfectly fit in Iwaizumi's lap, all curled up and folded limps but he fitted right in.  
He hoped it was enough, enough for Oikawa to find some kind of peace in his packed head.

“Do you promise you won`t leave me?” asked Oikawa sniffing with a tiny voice. “Not even for some stupid girl?” 

Again that girl that still didn`t exist except for Oikawa, Hanamaki and Matsukawa. 

“Why do you and the others keep bragging about some girl? There is no girl and there probably will be no girl.” 

Oikawa leant back and tilted his head. His eyes had found back some of their usual sharpness, noticed Iwaizumi relieved. “Are you gay, Iwa-chan?”  
blunt and out of almost nowhere. Iwaizumi stiffened. Oikawa Tooru everyone, he thought, where you can discuss his problems and one second later you`re talking about your sexuality. He felt his cheeks reddened. This really wasn`t what he originally had been planning on talking about and he was far from happy with it.

Oikawa was still waiting for him to answer, head still quirked to the side and a curious look in his eyes. Iwaizumi fidgeted uncomfortable. This really wasn`t something he had wanting to talk about with someone and even less with Oikawa.  
“I don`t know.” he stammered after a long silence, avoiding Oikawa`s gaze. “Might be bi, think.” He shrugged and waited for Oikawa to send him some slightly disgusted stare before shoving him away or something.  
Nothing like that happened to his surprise. Oikawa only made a throaty sound and Iwaizumi felt those big brown eyes burn, resulting in an even deeper shade of crimson on his cheeks. 

"Stop staring, Asskawa, it's rude." 

Oikawa poked his chest. "You said there 'most likely' won't be a girl. That means you're not completely sure so you have to promise in case you suddenly decide to walk off with one and I have to stop you from doing so."  
With a childish pout, Oikawa crossed his arms. "Promise, Iwa-chan!"

He was glad it appeared his confession didn't seem to bother Oikawa too much. "Sure, I promise."

"You also gotta promise me you won't abandon me for a boy okay?" Iwaizumi blushed. Oikawa sure as hell was in need for security. Not that Iwaizumi could blame him. "Yeah yeah, I promise. I won't leave you alone." 

Oikawa grinned a toothy grin. The white of his teeth shimmering. "Great, can I kiss you now?"

Wait what-

His stomach did the weird thing and he pushed Oikawa back, still holding him by his upper arms. He was joking right? Oikawa didn't like him. 

Right?

His heart pounded in the back of his throat. "You're joking, aren't you?" It had to be some kind of evil way to repay him for yelling at him or something, it just had to be.

Oikawa shook his head pouting. "I'm sad and I want kisses and hugs and cuddles. And now I've confirmed you're just as straight as me, which is not so much straightness, I want to kiss you." 

What even was Oikawa. Iwaizumi gulped. The whole situation was slipping out of control. Of course he wanted to kiss Oikawa, he would be lying if he hadn't thought about kissing those soft pink lips. Could he take Oikawa seriously? 

Under all his usual silly remarks and behaviour lay and unusually sharp and analyzing personality. Sometimes it was quite scary how well Oikawa could read people, even more if he was the subject of interrogation. 

All playfulness had left Oikawa as he put his finger underneath Iwaizumi's chin and forced him to look at him. "I'm not kidding, Iwa-chan.” He leaned forwards a bit. “Really.”

“What makes you even think I want to kiss you?” Iwaizumi cursed himself for the high pitch at the end.  
Oikawa straight up said smirked and Iwaizumi would have head-butted the kid to wipe off the smug face of his if he wasn`t a little shaky and more than a little confused. 

“Hmmm, well based on how you act and all when there`re a bunch of girls around me confessing and all. You look like really, really pissed, even more than the usual and I feel like I have to protect you from that frown turning permanent and all. It sure as hell will turn permanent if you don`t stop glaring at those innocent girls like you wanna murder them and I don`t want that”

He froze. Did Oikawa actually...? 

“Are.. are you asking me out?” he stammered, he felt his cheeks burn and his stomach felt like it had taken quite a few hard punches. He didn`t even know what he wanted Oikawa to answer. 

The other boy rolled with his eyes and chirped, “Of course I am, Iwa-chan!” before smiling brightly.  
He really is being honest... Iwaizumi thought as he saw that smile, real and totally Oikawa. “So what do you think?” 

Suddenly, Iwaizumi pulled him closer in a tight embrace, a careful smile forming on his lips and Oikawa let out a surprised yelp. “IWA-CHAN, YOU`RE SUFFOCATING ME!” and Iwaizumi hugged him even tighter. Oikawa wriggled uncomfortable, trying to create a bit of space for himself before he finally managed a half-assed escape. “I take that as a yes.” He was so sounding incredibly pleased with himself and Iwaizumi couldn`t help himself but snort. “Dork.”  
Oikawa huffed. “I`m not, you`re the dork because you didn`t notice that I like youuuu~”  
“How the hell was I supposed to? You`re always with those girls.”  
He got an deadpanned expression from Oikawa. “Even Hanamaki and Matsukawa noticed, I wouldn`t be surprised if there`s a bet going around in our team and one of those two will be having a lot more money suddenly after tonight.”  
“Oh my god.”  
“So, you`re the dork.”  
Iwaizumi cringed by the thought of a possible bet. “Then all that nagging about a girl was probably some bait or something. But you`re the dork though.”  
Oikawa pouted. “Mean!” and Iwaizumi laughed. “Dork.”  
“Then at least let me be your dork.” and suddenly Oikawa was kissing him and Iwaizumi`s mind failed to register what was happening except for the sensation of Oikawa`s lips against his and that Oikawa Tooru was actually kissing him.  
It was over way too quick and Iwaizumi swore to his dazed self he wouldn`t ever forget the sight of Oikawa with his flustered face and bright smile in front of him.

“Damn.” Matsukawa groaned and Hanamaki chuckled evilly. “You gotta pay, bro.”  
As soon as their captain and vice-captain had entered the court for practise, the whole team had sensed the change of air between them and suspicions had began to form. They had all been confirmed when they saw Oikawa give Iwaizumi a quick kiss on the cheek and Iwaizumi turned more than a little red.  
Iwaizumi kept his promise to Oikawa. He stayed close and tried to keep his former best friend turned to lover steady on the ground. It worked for most days. The emptiness in Oikawa`s eyes sometimes reappeared, but overall it seemed Oikawa had finally found his place to be.  
“I really hoped it would take a little longer.”  
“No, you wouldn`t.” grinned Hanamaki and Matsukawa sighed agreeing. “You`re right.”


End file.
